It's over. Goodbye.

Warning: This blog post has been building over time. It may be quite intense.

Over the past several years I've been trying to find the best way to say goodbye. It's been running through my mind a lot more so over the past few months. Well, now I know. How? A blog post.

Over the last several years we've had little to no contact, which for me was fine until I had kids. Not once have you ever tried to call to check on my kids. I think it's fairly rude since they're your blood relatives. The ONLY time you EVER contact us was when you need/want something. Well guess what?! That ends NOW. I'm sick and tried of trying to be nice when all it does for me is hurt me in the end. I've tried to at least keep contact via computer so you still have access to pictures. I'm not how sure how much longer that'll happen. Don't be surprised the next time you come to me for something and I'm not there. The phone works both ways ya know. So while you sit there waiting for me to call, which I never do except for news, you could've picked up the phone and called me. I KNOW you have my number, you've dialed it on ACCIDENT. Actions speak louder than worlds. REMEMBER THAT! As for seeing my kids you can FORGET IT. I'm not putting them through the same pain I went through growing up. They can see you when THEY want to. You've burnt your bridge a long time ago.

We're done. Goodbye.

Who can say they got 3 passport stamps for a one way trip before they turned 1?

Abigail can! :) At 9 months old my daughter flew on a very long voyage (her 1st one at that) from Okinawa Japan to Phoenix Arizona. She got a stamp in Okinawa, Tokyo, and LA! We left Okinawa on October 4th, 2011 and started our long trip to take Abigail to the states for the 1st time. I can't tell you home nervous yet excited I was to head back. I was excited because only a select amount of people knew we were coming. So all the flights we took were smooth sailing, or in this case flying, Abigail slept on majority of the flights and was pretty much as quiet as a mouse. When disembarking each plane, the stewardess' told me she could be a passenger anytime because she was so well behaved and passengers didn't even know I had her on the plane. She's definitely a pro flyer! :)

Where did you think you'd be in 2 1/2 years?

Over 2 1/2 years ago it was Wedding Eve, Jonathan and I were getting ready for bed as our last night as an engaged couple. I convinced him to let us watch Sex and the City before we went to bed. He dozed through half of it but watched bits and pieces of it. As we watched it I remember the parts about Charlotte being married and adopting and then by the end of the movie she was pregnant and had a baby girl. Jonathan and I ended up discussing what we wanted to happen in our future as a married couple. We talked about how we wanted to eventually have a baby and wanted to be happy and enjoy our lives as parents. It has always been an occasional discussion for us but it being the night before our wedding I was excited. Fast forward to last night Sex and the City came on AFN Movie. I had just put Abigail down for bed and saw it was on so I changed the channel to watch it. When I got to those very parts in the movie where Jonathan and I had our discussions over 2 1/2 years ago it made me look at my life now. I'm extremely happy. I'm married to an amazing man, have a beautiful baby girl, and have the amazing chance to live in Okinawa. 2 1/2 years ago I didn't expect to be where I am now. Its amazing to look back and see how much you've gone through and where you thought your life might end up. I think its safe to say I love my life and love where I've ended up.

The countdown is almost over!!

We here in the Sedillo household are in our homestretch of our countdown. So excited to be together again! So much has happened while Jonathan has been gone. We moved in to our new house on Kadena. With a few bumps in the road we've managed to successfully accomplish the move. I am still unpacking but once I get some help with big things from Jonathan unpacking should be easy and smooth.

A few days after I fully moved in to the house I rolled my right ankle twice trying to get off the couch. That landed me in the ER with a severely sprained ankle and one roll away from a broken ankle. I was discharged from the hospital unable to drive with crutches and a wrapped ankle. My 1st thought is how the hell am I gonna take care of baby girl while on crutches?! I was able to talk to Jonathan on fb when I got home and just about had a breakdown trying to figure out what I was gonna do til he got home. Thanks to him I was able to have help come over to the house during the day and help me with tasks. The help was amazing! Martha was the one who came over and since then I think our little ones have been best friends! :) Eva, her daughter, calls Abby 'baby habby'. It's too cute. :) Its always nice when they come over. Abs gets entertained by Eva and I can chat with Martha and our apartment isn't so quiet. Well since my injury I have just recently started driving again, I can bare weight on my ankle, AND I'm down to one crutch. I'm hoping to just have a limp when Jonathan comes home. Also since my trip to the ER we finally got my car back to the house today so it's not on Lester.

Abs has been her crazy self since Jonathan left. She is not eating 6 - 8 oz bottles and has just recently started baby food. (which has been confusing since I don't know how to fit it in her schedule just yet) Abs has perfected rolling over from back to front. Its so great to see her rolling over now. :) She has become more vocal and will somewhat talk to herself. She has also become a laughing machine. I can't wait to see Abs reaction when she sees her Daddy again. She really misses him.

I'm hoping that everything goes perfect when Jonathan comes home. Abs and i have been waiting for this day for a while. I know its not a short period of time but it seems like forever since this is the first time Jonathan has been gone from Abigail. Poor baby girl has had a hard time with him being gone. I can't wait to see her smile when she sees her daddy. :)

Well I;m gonna hop of of here and I will probably update after Jonathan gets home. I'll post pictures if I can snap some. Until then we love you all! <3

Sitting Waiting Wishing

So I had been dreading the arrival of June and July for a while and now that June has left July is here I'm just wishing the time would fly by. Most of you guys, if not all of you, know that we have been in Okinawa since May of 2010. Since then I have been struggling on and off with homesickness. Well, I knew that these two months were gonna be a hard month to deal with. My baby sister was graduating and was turning 18, many of my friends where going home for visits and I was stuck in Okinawa sitting by my waiting for pictures from a lot of the happenings. I spent days crying and looking at some of the pictures that had been posted on Facebook wishing I could be at home to participate in the Graduation parties and whatnot. As the days passed it got a bit easier until we found out that we had to prepare for Jonathan to be gone for a bit and while he'd be gone I'd have to move myself from our apartment on Kinser to our new house on Kadena. Luckily with the short amount of time I had to move and the last minute notice I had people who helped me move. Now I'm sitting here in my new place and I only have the kitchen unpacked and some laundry washed. I keep reminding myself not to get overwhelmed and Jonathan will be home school. I have to say if it weren't for friends here on island I'd probably go insane. We still have a ways to go til he comes home but we are looking forward to having him home. Poor baby girl is really missing her Daddy. I think she's still expecting him to come home after work. Everyday gets easier which is good but she still has those days where she only wants her Daddy and it kills me. I know she's ready for him to come home. I'm taking it day by day. I'm used to this more than Abs but seeing her having a hard time and seeing her do stuff that Jonathan is missing out on is heartbreaking at times. Again this isn't a permanent thing so he WILL be home and it'll be nice to have him here. I know he misses us and he has two people here in Okinawa that miss him just as much maybe more.

My Mother's Story from Bottle Babies on Facebook.

I thought I'd share this cause its a great story and hopefully it'll help other mother's who can't breastfeed.

My husband Jonathan and I waited anxiously on the HPT we had just taken. After the two long minutes I check it. The stick said nothing, it was faulty! It was Memorial Day and because of this not many stores were open, so I ran across the street to the PX to get another test. When I got home I went straight into the bathroom to take it. It immediately said positive, so I started getting excited while Jonathan was looking at it awhile, saying it hasn't been 2 minutes yet so we couldn't read it! (gotta love the intel analysts thoughts on things) Of course once the 2 minutes were up it still was positive. We took the blood test to actually prove I was pregnant and found out I was due January 20th, 2011.

As the weeks and months passed us by it was a pretty easy pregnancy. In that time Jonathan and I had many discussions on whether we were going to breastfeed or bottle feed. We decided on breastfeeding because I heard nothing but good things about it. So we bought books and scheduled ourselves to attend a breastfeeding class. I was really excited about breastfeeding, I had a plan to breastfeed for at least one year and then go from there.

30 weeks came and everything was right on schedule with our baby girl. We went along with our daily lives not know what would happen in the weeks to come. On Thanksgiving (32 weeks) we attended Thanksgiving dinner at a friends house and had a blast eating wonderful food and playing video games. I think I did way too much cause I had been having what I thought to be braxton hicks all evening into the next day. Jonathan was kind enough to schedule me a prenatal massage in the hope that it would ease my braxton hicks. After the massage I got home and was contraction free for about an hour so we decided to just settle down for the day and watch As the Earth Stood Still. While watching the movie my contractions started picking up again but this time they were actual contractions that went for 30 mins apart to 3-5 mins apart. I was in labor. We rushed to the hospital where they thought I had mixed up braxton hicks with real contractions being a first time mom. The doctor came in and checked me to see if by chance I was in labor and once he checked me he had a weird look on his face and said I was 3 cm dilated and 90% effaced. They gave me steroid shots to help baby girls lungs if she came early and admitted me so they could try to slow my labor. At this point both Jonathan and I were scared about the health of our baby girl if she came this early. They gave me meds which slowed my labor and discharged us a few days later to a cottage behind the hospital so we'd be closer if I happened to go into labor again. The next few weeks flew by and I made it to my 3rd trimester which was a huge relief cause we didn't think we'd make it that far. With the huge possibility of a premature labor we thought our breastfeeding window was slowly closing, but the doctor kept assuring us we would be able to.

December 23rd came around and we joined a group helping Jonathan's Unit FRG wrap presents to raise money for future FRG events. As usual everyone was instantly attracted to my HUGE belly (I looked full term earlier in my pregnancy) and they started making bets on when I would deliver since I only felt 1 kick the entire day. During the day we tried many things to get her to move with no luck so we decided to call it a day early, head home for dinner and try again after that. Baby girl had other plans and at 5:30 pm on December 23rd, a month ahead of schedule, my water broke. I delivered a beautiful baby girl in Okinawa Japan @ 1:51 am December 24th, 2010 she was 5 lbs 15.9 oz and 18 in long. We named her Abigail Grace.

Her 1st physical was good news - she was a pretty healthy baby, so I started trying to breastfeed. I ended up getting some help from a lactation nurse cause I wasn't able to attend the breastfeeding class due to the preterm labor and premature delivery. The latch was a hard thing to master but we eventually got it.

Then they did her 24 hour labs and found out she had a severe case of Jaundice which required immediate treatment with the bililites. I was only able to touch and hold her every so often so that's when I decided to start pumping breastmilk. Pumping, for me, wasn't hard and we were able to keep her under the lites while feeding her.

All was going good until, while under the lites, she started shivering horribly. She had become hypothermic. So they whisked her away to put her under a warmer. After about 30 mins they brought her back in and immediately put her back under the lites. They couldn't figure out why her temperature had gotten so low so they did a spinal tap. (scariest moment for me ever in that hospital room) The tests came back normal and we were told to keep her bundled at all times.

Eventually we were allowed to go home and at this time we were still breastfeeding but mostly she was getting it through a bottle.

However, after a few days, she was readmitted for Jaundice and low temps and this time she was under bililites and a warmer. We stayed for a few days and she was released. Months passed and she was losing a lot of weight. We were told they will give Abigail two weeks to show improvement in weight and if not we would have to supplement. I refused for this to happen, so during those 2 weeks we breastfed and pumped day and night hoping that she would show signs of improvement. Once those 2 weeks were over we went back to the doctor's office and she had lost more weight. We had no choice but to started supplementing. As time passed she started refusing breastmilk little by little and that frustrated me. She was choosing formula over my breastmilk. One day she straight up refused my breast and even my breastmilk in the bottle, so I knew my breastfeeding stretch was at its end. So we started our long, long road with formula feeding, trying not to concentrate on not being able to breastfeed but instead being focused with her weight issues. For along time her weight kept fluctuating. About a month ago we started her on 22 k/cal bottles and those seemed to be the cure of her weight issues.

Now at 5 months old I can say my daughter is currently 10 lbs and 4.5 oz and on her way up to a healthy weight! I have never been so happy to bottle feed in my life! I have learnt to never EVER feel bad about not being able to breastfeed your baby, just remember you're doing what's best and that's all you can do! :)

Is there fine print in Freedom of Religion that I don't know about?!

If you think that putting up a mosque anywhere near the ground zero and having the inauguration on the anniversary 09/11/11, is immoral, inhumane and a complete lack of respect for the memories of all that perished there on that day and the survivors. If you believe that's doing a grave....injustice to the fallen heros..., their families, let alone the entire country. THEN COPY AND PASTE THIS TO YOUR WALL

This is the status that set me off! All this talk of the mosque is really getting on my last nerve! It's not just a mosque it's a cultural center as well! Yes it's going to be built in NYC and it's going to be near Ground Zero, but not as close as people think. It's going to be a few blocks away. Also the 'inauguration' date isn't going to be 09/11/11, it's a date that was thrown out there to make people get fired up more! Also people say it's immoral and inhumane, if you take a look at our 1st Amendment one of our freedoms is Freedom of Religion. In my eyes telling someone they can't build a place of worship just because of events that happened in the past is immoral and inhumane. It's going against our 1st Amendment. Also what gets me really mad is when someone tries to say something about what good may come of it people automatically accuse them of not being an American and tell them to shove it where the sun don't shine. Just because someone doesn't agree with you doesn't make them all of a sudden non american. People have a right to their own opinion. America is a free country, lets keep it that way!